Time To Make The Donuts

After my recent setback in the job search, I am proud to say that I have bounced back. Friday morning I marched right into Dunkin Donuts in a button down shirt that didn't quite fit me and got the job. Hell yeah. Money money. This is the response I gave that sealed the deal, "I watch a lot of baseball. As an employee, I think of myself as a utility player. You put me at any position and I'm going to give you the A effort." Boom. Feel free to use that in your next job interview but be sure to say it with swagger.

What's the job? I am a donut baker. I feel like this position suits me well for two reasons. The first one being that I don't have to talk to any customers. The only mouthing off I'm going to get is from a strawberry frosted donut. The other reason is I don't have to make any of those stupid sandwiches or coffee drinks. I love donuts but I feel like having to make coffee would drive me insane. Mostly because it tastes like tar and I have to put in four packets of sugar to make it tolerable. Even then, it tastes like gulping down a full ash tray. So to hell with all you coffee drinkers. I run on adrenaline.

There are 4 comedy shows here in the town of Gainesville. Like I always do, I make an analogy between them and pro wrestling. The monday show at Gator City is the equivalent of Smackdown and last night was my debut. I was immediately met with a challenge upon reaching the stage. Some woman kept yelling, "Go Gators," at me. So was pissing me off so I let her have it. I called her a retarded parrot. I let her know how much I hated her. The crowd was cheering me on and I was rewarded with two shots from the bar. Being mean to women earns you alcohol? My girlfriend is in for a world of trouble. Once that was over I made the mistake of doing my material. Regardless, I found it to be a strong and successful debut on the Smackdown roster. I made an impact and soon enough, I'll be gunning for the Intercontinental championship.

"Ladies and gentlemen, that there is a naked woman!"