Sour Cream

Management at Dunkin Donuts is utterly bizarre. Last night they sent me to another location for training but that training consisted of me watching a guy do everything I've already been taught how to do for six hours. The guys training me didn't even know what the purpose of having me there was. I'm a bit afraid that the hours of this job are warping my behavior somehow. I feel more bitter and angrier. Not at the donuts but more of my status in life. I work a graveyard shift in a donut shop. Truth be told, I'm embarrassed to tell anyone I work with that I graduated from college. No one else there has. I'm afraid I'll be looked at like some kind of space alien. Someone will say, "You didn't have to go to school to be a donut baker," and I will feel like dying right then and there.

There are moments when I'm at work and I think about just moving away. Moving away and starting fresh. Where no one knows me and I can start a new reputation. Not that I'm ashamed of my current reputation. I've got two parts of me, one I loath and one I love. I loathe the guy who's working a job he hates but I love the guy who gets up on stage and makes people laugh. I know that the guy I love can't exist without the guy I loathe.

There's a big emotional girl beneath this pasty white flesh. I've been crying the last two days. Monday I woke up crying after a bizarre dream. I don't recall what it was about but I remember something or someone uttered, "I love you," and then I'm sitting up in bed hysterical and very much afraid. Then yesterday I went to go see Toy Story 3 and there was nothing I could do to keep from balling up. The movie made me nostalgic to be a kid again. It made me wish I wasn't grown up and that the world was however I imagined it to be. It was the unconditional love that Woody showed for Andy that moved me the most. It feels silly to have an emotional connection with an inanimate object but I understand it. I'm going to stop writing before I start crying again.

"There's a snake in my boot."