DreamChaser

It has been a week of some highs and lows but I currently stand at a low. That well-paying job I had was a scam and I feel like a fool for not knowing it all along. There is no Roberts Filter Group and there is no orphanage in Malaysia. Nothing but a bunch of deception. I went from thinking I was going to have $500 in my pocket this weekend to hoping that I get hired at the cracker barrel. Then, I got home to Miami today to find out that my cat, Ralph, had died. I had home since I was in the second grade and he probably was the sweetest creature I've ever come into contact with. I loved that cat.

I took my friend out for his birthday tonight. He had to work until 7pm on a friday on his birthday and then he couldn't stay at too late because he has to be back at work at 6:30 in the morning. He's not going to see a single day off for the next two weeks. I told my dad about this and he asked me if I wanted the same thing for myself. I have no idea.

He's concerned about me though. He's worried that I'll take a job just for the money and never have the time to do the things I want. He wants me to work at something I love even if it means doing it for free. He's pushing me to pick up an internship, go back to school and even move back home to Miami to do it.

I don't know why that all seems easier said then done. It just happens to be easier to chase money than to chase dreams. Truth is, I'm afraid the move from Gainesville right now, even if it means I have a better shot of chasing a dream. My girl is there. All my friends are there. I feel like the more I try to grow up, the harder it gets. I thought graduating meant moving forward but instead I feel like I took two steps forward just to take two steps back. I'm undergoing an identity crisis. I don't know where I belong.

"Rule number one; embrace the darkness. Rule number two; kill your fear. And rule number three; live for death."