Never Taken Alive

Hi out there. It's your man that stays true with a blue attitude. Today I had big plans of sleeping in and I'm proud to say mission accomplished. You all know that I liked to refer to myself as Paul Brawl. Well, it's a brand new year and I'm dropping the Brawl. That's right. Paul Laier is leading the way into a new decade and the results are showing. I have a different mentality going up on stage now just being introduced as Paul Laier. It has made me feel more comfortable inside my skin. Why did I do that? While Paul Brawl is still very much a part of me, he is no longer part of who I want to be. Simple as that. Let's get to today's topic.

I'm a male in my late twenties. I suffer from a condition where I think that I'm invincible. This is true of all young men. I remember visiting the Grand Canyon once and our tour guide told us of two young hikers who thought they could walk all around the park instead of catching one of the provided buses, despite not having any water on them. Arizona in the summer time is like hanging out in a frying pan. Those guys suffered from heat stroke and dehydration.

It's easy to call them idiots but I know I'm guilty of the same thing. I've driven myself home a few times when I was intoxicated. I know that one of these days it will catch up to me. Until then it's my laugh to live and I'll live it how I want.

It doesn't always have to catch up to you though. That's what I learned last night. A friend of mine had a heart attack. He had to be rushed to the hospital and have open heart surgery performed on him immediately. My friend is only 26. Only four fucking years older than me. My dad is twice his age and has never had a heart attack. That's frightening to think about. Upon hearing the news, it put my own mortality into question. I began to think about all the chimichangas and pizza I ate this week. How often I spend just sitting on my ass.

My room mate and I started to plan out a diet plan and an exercise regiment. Instead of steak it would be carrots for dinner. Instead of playing online Risk we would do Pilates. Most importantly, no more fried chicken dinners at 2 in the morning.

This morning I received word that my friend is alright. He had successful surgery. He seems like the luckiest guy in the world to me. I would consider myself to be if it were me. Exactly what do I do with this new found respect for the gift of life? I certainly treat it better. That doesn't mean operating out of the fear of death though. You could be the most health conscious prick in the world and still get hit by a bus just the same.

I guess what I'll do is make sure each day is spent accomplishing self-fulfillment. Whether it is writing, performing, enriching the lives of others or appreciating a nice day outside. We can't be invincible but we must still remain brave.

“The law is the law, and heck if I'm gonna break it. But if you can forgive someone... Well, that's the tough part. What can we forgive?”