Jobs & Jokes

A couple days ago, I made my triumphant return to Gainesville. The goal was to find a job while also getting to work on my stand up routine. I've already been making moves in the job search. I applied to three different employers yesterday. Two of them are ho-hum but I did apply for a job writing for a website. The ad literally said Witty Writing Gig. The only catch is that they want someone to write about their college experiences. I'm pretty sure they want someone currently in college but I'll be damned if I can't pretend I'm a college student for at least another year. Or, I'll just pretend it's three years ago and I'm still getting bullied by the local fraternities while also working on getting laid for the first time.

Those other jobs aren't bad gigs either. One is as an office assistant. I'm not sure what the company does but I'm sure it'll be alright. Just have to do a little filing and shredding of documents. But what if those documents are records of how the company has been poisoning the Colombian water supply. Then, the government would kidnap and ask me to testify all the while the company is threatening and blackmailing and bribing me with filipino hookers to keep quiet. I'll tell you what. This blog would get much more interesting.

The other job is as a procedure scheduler. I think all I would have to do is you know...schedule procedures. Then, I could play practical jokes like scheduling a baby to get a hysterectomy.

Now for the matter of my stand up. I may have been designated to the equivalent of the minor leagues in the Gainesville stand up scene. 3 of the 4 shows are calling for experienced comics and I don't think I'm being recognized as an experienced comic. Well, I'm about to rip the minors a new asshole. I'm going to be the crown jewel. I'm going to be ripping homers and making web gems all day. Then they'll see. I'll show them. I'll show you all.