The Take

Today I check in talking about my identity. Not in terms of 'who am I' and 'where am I going.' I'm speaking in terms of who I am as a comic and what I'm trying to personify when I go on stage. I found myself first trying to discover the answer when I went to my film school interview at FSU back in the fall. I told them I did stand up comedy and one of the board members asked me what my take was. Take? I had never been asked that before. That was seven months ago and I still don't know the answer.

I came up with this explanation a few months ago. I am unassuming and I go into situations always expecting positive results. I put too much faith in humanity and get burned by it. Or perhaps I am a little too cocky sometimes and the world proves to be a much bigger and badder wolf than I thought it could be. This seems like a lot of words after you look at a successful comic like Lewis Black and realize his take is: We're All Fucked. Three words to sum up his act and he slays every where he goes. I'm not sure if my "take" is even really mine. I think of it as the bullshit answer you give on an exam just because it is slightly less embarrassing than turning in a blank sheet of paper. How about this for a take? I'm funny but I'm working on getting funnier.

Questions of my stage identity have woken in me after a conversations with my girlfriend and my good friend, JC. My girlfriend has been with well before I decided I wanted to be a comic. She already thought I was hilarious but more so because of my personality quirks. She doesn't understand why none of these quirks surface in my act. She thinks my act would go over better if I was able to incorporate them. The problem is my quirks are normal to me. So normal that I don't she the humor in them. Even when my girlfriend points out how bizarre I'm acting. For whatever reason I can't wrap my head around how to be more like myself on stage. Perhaps I should do something on stage to make me feel more comfortable. Something to help me not come off so forced.

JC told me about how I have a split personality on stage. I keep wanting Paul Brawl (my wrestling alter ego) on stage even though just Paul is probably funnier. He told me if I'm dying on stage, I tend to wait for Paul Brawl to bail me out. He does most of the time. But Paul Brawl doesn't want to be a comic. He wants attention and any kind of reaction he can get out of a crowd. What I've got to do is take his best qualities and put them in my act. I need his confidence but not his attitude.

To sum it up, there's a master plan for making my act unique. I've got the material and I'm a good writer. I need Paul the writer, Paul's personality quirks and Paul Brawl's confidence to come together like zords on the stage. But sonovabitch, that is much easier said than done.

"Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!"