Boy, Decide

Do you ever feel guilty for getting what you want? The last week had my father and I sort of arguing over whether I could get a professional camcorder. He made the argument that I don't know how to use it so I should take some courses or workshops that way I'm not ill prepared when I get it. This is part of his plan to get me back into school as soon as possible. My argument was that I can easily learn by doing. It is the advice I've heard from many film makers including Robert Rodriguez and Dan Eckman. I actually got to meet Dan Eckman and he told me to just go out and shoot some flicks. I am all for this idea because the concept of more school is pretty blah for me right now.

My father eventually agreed to buy me the camera but I feel like I did it through incessant whining and complaining. You know, he's not buying it for me because he's impressed with any work I've done. Perhaps, there's another route I could've taken but it's foolish to keep flip flopping on the issue. I think I'll just get my camera and shoot some flicks.

I guess I'm stubborn about going back to school because I'll feel like I'm admitting I wasted my four years of college education. Sort of like I was studying all of this stuff when I really should've been studying that stuff. I studied film and media but there were only two production courses offered through the department and they were both very strict about not adhering to any sort of narrative structure, which is what I love to do. Then yesterday I helped my buddy Tim out was his video project. He was shooting a commercial for Smokin' Notes. He's a telecommunications major. Now, I'm realizing I'd rather had been doing stuff like that instead of analyzing the subtext of Decasia.

There are only so many things we're allowed to do in this life and only so many things we can reasonably accomplish well. That's got to be the reason people are living longer. We could all use an extra 5 or 10 years to make sure we really make an imprint on the fabric of time.

"Have you ever been a communist? Have you ever been attacked by a crow or similar large bird?"