Too Many Forks, Not Enough Knives

Whenever I think I'm settling into something comfy, a fork manages to jab into my life. I've been satisfied with my decision to remain in Gainesville. I finally got the camera. Now my friends and I are getting to work on sketches and hopefully a feature length film. Sometimes, though, you haven't a clue when or what kind of opportunity will land at your door step.

Next month is the Florida Marlins job fair. It is an opportunity to gain a paid internship with a baseball organization I grew up loving. They have positions in many fields but I'm most interested in a position in either broadcasting or baseball operations. Ever since high school I thought about how simple my life would be if I could get a job for a baseball organization. Baseball is one of the loves of my life and if I could pull a check by simply talking and being around baseball all day, that would be grand. I would be a fool not to jump on this opportunity. So why has it got me feeling so nervous?

I'm not nervous about trying to get an internship. I'm nervous about moving back home and leaving Gainesville behind. Like I said before, I just bought a camera and am working on a movie with my friends. If I got the internship, I would have to start in January. At the rate this movie is going, I'll have to pack up for Miami before we even finish shooting. If that happens I'll feel like I've really let my friends down. Plus, I'll feel like I'm bailing on why I wanted the camera in the first place. What if my internship makes me lose interest in film making and comedy all together? What if I end up quitting altogether for a career in baseball? I'm not sure I'm willing to sacrifice certain things to work for the Marlins.

Also, I feel like I'll get really depressed if I move back home. I only have three close friends back home. One who I consider a workaholic, one who is never up to any good and one who I've unfortunately fallen out of contact with. I only imagine myself doing three things back in Miami. Hanging out with Niccolo, hanging out with my parents and going to work. I feel like my social skills will be crippled by returning to a big city. Especially when I know I'd be missing everyone back in Gainesville badly.

At the moment, there is no decision to make. I'm going to drive down to Miami next month and apply for an internship. Then I'll wait and see if I even get it. I know my friends will want me to stay and my parents will want me to come back home. I know I can't make everyone happy. At the very least, I need to make myself happy.

"As if every thought that tumbles through your head was so clever it would be a crime for it not to be shared."