At my office, I like most of our clients. They usually fall into one of two categories. The first one being cheery and easy to work with. The second one being virtually non-existant. Either way, they help make my five hours a day in the office a low stress environment. But two months in and I come across Larry Chandler. Yes, I am using his real name because fuck him. He told me he doesn't have a computer, anyway. Larry Chandler is a nut job. He considers himself extremely far left and a strict christian. Larry Chandler is a living container of oil and water. What did I do to get Larry Chandler into my life? All I did was answer the phone.
Larry Chandler called looking for help fixing his credit score like any other client of mine. In the span of a 30 minute conversion I learned lots about him. He is 60 years old and a veteran of the Vietnam War. He is distrustful of the government and refers to Bank of America as Bank Robbers of America. He has a disabled son who was struck in the head by a stray bullet. His son son is blind and deaf on one side of his head. His wife ruined his life and can currently be found hooking on Orange Blossom Trail. When locked into conversation, Larry Chandler has no problem quoting bible scripture to make a point. He also loves to smoke marijuana. Larry Chandler was striking me as a unique individual who I would enjoy having as a client. Then, he started to let the crazy out.
He asked me about the origin of my last name. When I said German he had a story for me about Hitler. "Hitler had the right idea at first. He was all about killing the homosexuals. Then, Stalin butted in and made it all about killing jews. He muddled the message Hitler was trying to send. Do you know what homosexuals do to each other? They perform oral sex on each other. That's plain disgusting." The endearing gentleman I thought I was in touch with had disappeared. I stayed silent for awhile then told him I had to go. I was reeling over that until he called me the next day.
This time Larry Chandler had a warning for me. A warning that if I didn't do what I said I would or tried to screw him in any way. He would ask for God to bring vengeance onto me and my company. I checked with my boss and that was a first for our company. She told me that if that happens again, I can tell him to keep his money. My boss is a sassy black lady. She also added, "Let me call him and ask him where God was when he was getting his ass in all this debt." I love Ms. Wright to death.
Larry Chandler is an example of why I'm proud of my generation. Sure, we play a lot of video games and have invented horrible things like twitter but we are a lot more tolerable of other lifestyles than other the older generations. Larry Chandler calls himself a straight shooter and he believes it makes him noble. I think it is more noble to let go of your prejudices so that we all may live in harmony. No one is going to get along with everyone but the work we put in to co-exist with each other is tremendous. Let's keep the Larry Chandlers in the past.
"Come on Harry, the maiden fair waits for her knight in shining corduroy."
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