Skullsplitter.

This week I have returned to my hometown of North Miami Beach where it all started. My education, my goals and the molding of my personality. I left high school aspiring to be a great director and as it stands I am an aspiring comedian with a job in finance. The job in finance is funny considering how I never took a course in the field. In fact, the closest I've come to anything related was a microeconomics course I took my second year of college which I withdrew from because I didn't understand the whole robots & pizza, butter & guns analogy. Why do the robots need pizza? At least it's not robots & guns. Then we'd be witnessing the rise of the machines. I blame you James Cameron. So if you need help repairing your credit call Paul Brawl at 352-374-7020 to make the rain clouds go away. But don't call after the three because I use the rest of the afternoon to read wrestling forums. Don't call on Friday either. I use that day to work on my remake of the Bring It On movies on my pool deck. My dog Sammy is gunning for Jesse Bradford's role.

For more solemn news, I had to cancel the date for a show I was going to do in Miami. I was going to feature for my friend JC Currais but the date coincides with my official start date at my new job. So that's that. I've been singing the "There will be other opportunities song" all day.

On my way home to Miami yesterday I remembered how I got into this magnet school called Rainbow Park for my fourth grade year. It was exciting because I was going to work strictly in broadcasting and video production work. I had always wanted to be on the announcements and it was finally going to happen. I only spent one day at the school because the bus transportation system was screwed up. The first day the bus picked me up an hour after class started and the next day it didn't come at all. My dad was fed up with it and enrolled me back in Greynolds Park where I could easily walk to. I wasn't given the opportunity to do any broadcast work again until my junior year of high school.
I think about how much more skilled I'd be with a camera had things at Rainbow park had worked out. I can't imagine how different I would be now. I'm not even sure I would've ended up at UF and have the friends I have now which are invaluable to me. The question is would I give up the life as I know it now in order to have the job and career I always imagined myself to have. This kind of think creates a splitting headache.

"Jake, they took my penis."

Good Fortune

I've been enjoying my unemployment. I can't believe I sacrificed it for the last two months to work in a bakery all night. I can't believe I'm about to give it all up again starting monday. Of course, I haven't run out of money yet so I'm sure I'd be singing a different tune in a few weeks if I didn't have this new job. I think about my daily routine and how I've built my own little utopia this past week. How I get to play with the dogs, cook up food, do stage shows with my friends and drink excessive amounts. A lifestyle like that can't last forever, though. Not when there are bills to pay.

This was also a grand week in stand up comedy for myself and all my whacky friends. Even considering we had to cancel our inaugural show at Mother's this past wednesday. We still had sizable crowds at our other four shows. I took on the hosting duties for two of the shows and received good compliments from audience members and other comics. I also got to help run the shows. The week had me feeling good as I learned some things about running a comedy show and to keep audiences enthused. Short post this time because this is how it is and this is how it goes.

"You're pretentious, this club sucks, I have beef. Let's fight."

Not Really Into That

This time around, I'm going to stray away from my usual fodder of trying to find work, continuing my education and being an entertainer you read about in a magazine. Not necessarily something like Time or Newsweek but I'll take The Fine Print for now. (I have been published in there before. All hail the man who writes for free.) I want to talk about the nature of drug use.

Looking at my situation, I don't think there's anyone who would blame me for recreational drug use. I'm young and looking for direction. The only responsibility I have at the moment is keeping myself and my room mate's dogs fed. I could easily be a character in a Bret Easton Ellis novel and I would come off as fucking normal. I feel like I'm primed to take part in drug use but I never do. It's not as if I'm not surrounded by drug use. I'm not sheltered by any means. I hang out with comedians and grew up in Miami for christ's sake. My father was under the influence of all sorts of drugs growing up and tell dabbles in marijuana from time to time. He smoked a bowl in front of me this past new year's eve. My little brother has taken a sizable variety of drugs. I also have close friends who do drugs on a regular basis. Compared to them, I'm a real stiff.

Let me make a few things clear before I continue. I don't frown upon drug use. I'm not a square. I even help my friends out when it comes to acquiring drugs. I set them up with a dealer, give them a ride, I even brought home a big of weed for a friend of mine as a Christmas present once. I've also smoked marijuana on more than one occasion. Only once did I get ridiculously high. I challenged my little brother to a boxing match and he knocked me out right on our front lawn.

I got launched into these thoughts because last night my brother was visiting and he wanted me to smoke with him. This is something he has been getting me to do with him for awhile. It would mean a lot to him for me to do this. I realized this as he got on his knees begging me to smoke with him but still I refused.

So why don't I smoke up? I don't know. I have no stigma. I just don't understand it. I don't understand what an altered state of mind will do for me. I already have an overactive imagination. Just ask my girlfriend and she'll tell you about how we play the magician and the tax auditor. I don't need drugs to mellow out either. For that, I have beer. I love drinking and sampling craft brews has become a hobby of mine. I also dive into my hobbies such as baseball to mellow out. For at least a few hours a night, I'm busy acting like the outcome a Hanley Ramirez at bat is all I live for. In a nutshell, I don't feel drugs can offer me anything. Not anything I can already construct with my mind. That's just the way it is.

So when I get offered some drugs, I say no thanks. That should be the end of the transaction. I don't need to hear about how it will expand my mind, make me feel good or any other sales pitch. I don't get into anyone's face about how they could be destroying their brain or doing a disservice to their recently deceased mother whenever they puff, pop or huff. Believe it or not; we can party together. You can bring your drugs and I'll bring a 6-pack of Woodchuck Amber Ale. Just don't try to show me how to live, brother.

"I promised myself, I'm gonna die for something that counts."

Quitting Time

This day was a long time coming. The day I quit Dunkin Donuts. Now, I know that I had said that I put in my two weeks notice. I was even going to be given a letter of recommendation but there was just something inside of me that made me say fuck everything. I already had a shitty day at work Monday. The district manager was visiting the store so my boss was throwing a fit over the upkeep of the store. I was suppose to be working with this other guy but he fucking ducks out on me without any explanation. So I got left to bake the donuts, deliver to the stores and clean the kitchen all by myself. I don't know how but I managed to stop myself from walking out of there forever.

Then, wednesday night came. They were sending me over to another store to replace a guy they had fired. A guy that was really fucking good as his job. I get there and I have to do everything all by myself just like monday night. I grit my teeth and get to work, thinking will pull through. But then I realized that I had to make jelly munchkins. JELLY MUNCHKINS! I FUCKING HATE JELLY MUNCHKINS!

I stood in the freezer for a good ten minutes, deciding on whether or not I had it in me to get through the night and the next few nights. I was just like the prisoner with only a week left on his sentence. All I had to do was grit my teeth and clench my fists and I would've been out of there. But those jelly munchkins were the guy with a shiv that had it out for me. If I didn't make a break for it, I'd be dead and my freedom wouldn't mean shit anymore.

This was a 24/7 store so I walked up to the only other guy there and said this. "I'm sorry to do this to you on your shift. Call up whoever you need to call and let them know I quit. I'm tired. I'm going home." Just like that I was out the door and soaking up my freedom. I keep expecting to get a down pour of phone calls and voice mails but nothing yet. It seems they took the hint and I can make a clean break. Especially since my direct deposit kicked in. Meaning I never have to walk back into that store again.

One of these days, I'm going to have the best job ever. A job where I am nobody's monkey and nobody's robot. There will be dancing in the streets that day.

"Now you're looking for the secret. But you won't find it because of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be fooled."

Two Halves

Why haven't I made a movie yet? Before the summer started, I had a very aggressive nature about getting one done. It seems that I did a fairly good job of making excuses for myself not to do one. Excuses like always being tired, not having the money or not feeling prepared enough. I think what stops me is my least favorite part of it all. Development. I'm very lazy about developing an idea. I hate doing second drafts. I want to get everything done in one take and bask in the glory of being a creative genius. It's as if I long for this technology where my ideas can be projected directly onto a screen or pages to prevent myself from writing or drafting anything. Another big part of it is how self-conscoius I can feel after writing something down. It's sort of the way you talk to someone online but they are kind of disappointing once you meet them in person. I'm afraid that once my idea becomes this physical thing for others to see and critique, it will be disappointing. I can't bear the risk of other people telling me that I'm not as talented as I think I am. It's about time that I start saying "fuck the critics." Giving up is way harder than trying.

The revelation is that this blog now has another purpose. I will use it to try and flush out my ideas for a movie. Anyone who reads it is encouraged to give suggestions, tell me that I'm brilliant or tell me that my time will be better served clearing roadways in Iraq for the U.S. Army. Here is what I bring to you today.

I don't necessarily like romantic comedies but my favorite film, Punch Drunk Love, technically is one. I feel like I've got a good idea for a romantic comedy and I could use my style to keep it from being a cheese fest like any Jennifer Lopez movie ever. Much like guys like Charlie Kaufman and P.T. Anderson have done.

My idea is about a young couple that is very much in love. As a goof, they both sign up for one of those dating sites like E-harmony to see if they get matched together. When they don't they decide to each go on a date with their top 5 matches to see if they are really meant for each other.

I figured that 4 of each of their dates could be whacky stuff with eccentric characters I create but then they each find one person that they really click with. I don't really know where to go after they both realize they may have feelings for other people. What interests me about the idea is that it wouldn't be a break up story. They never stop loving each other. They just don't understand how it is possible to have feelings for another person when you're already in love. Something I know that happens to people. I also like the idea because it wouldn't involve one of them keeping a dirty secret from each other. It will be awkward but they will go through these revelations together.

There we have it. I really hope some you can give me suggestions on where I could go with the story and let me know what yo think of the premise. For the time being I will refer to the project as Two Halves when referring to it in future blogs.

"Now more than ever, we need the Jedi."

Hang Around

This has been a funny week. It started with me having a terrible 24 hours. I woke up at 9:30am on Monday and went about my day. Just as I'm about to fall asleep at 2am I get a call from work saying that I am half an hour late. I argue that I wasn't scheduled to work. I get there and they fucking changed the schedule without even telling me. I end up working until 11 in the morning without a wink of sleep. I was pissed. I threatened to quit. I nearly did. I called my father and he convinced me to stick it out. I started to think deeper about everything. I wasn't just my job I hated, it was everything. I felt like ditching town without telling a soul. I wanted to go somewhere new and start from scratch. Anything the relieve me of the fact that my life was mundane. That's what drives me crazy. When I start feeling average and destined for mediocrity. I wanted to curse everything and do it before I had second thoughts.

Wednesday night I was still feeling shitty. I spent most of the day moving my girlfriend into her own place and had to go to work that night at 1am. My friends were out drinking and I thought about fucking those donuts right in their holes. I called my dad for encouragement and he told me to hang in there. I stuck with his advice.

I was at an all time low when the phone rang thursday afternoon. It was Brandon Williams from Destiny Infinity Financial Solutions. He said, "I like you. The board likes you. You've got the job. You start the first of September." Just like that I started to come out of my rut. I felt like quitting Dunkin on the spot but instead did the noble thing and gave two weeks notice. My boss sad he was sad to see me go but knew it was a better job. He offered to write me a letter of recommendation. Now I'll have that should I ever need it.

It is certainly reassuring to know that anything can work out as long as I can stick it out and work diligently. I thank my father for making sure I didn't give up. I didn't take the easy way out and I'm better for it. I guess I'll just hang around until I love this town.

"Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff."

Send Off

Here we are entering another month. It's August and that means we are winding down to the end of another summer. Summer has always held a special place in my heart because it meant no school and therefore the opportunity to accomplish something outside of the daily grind. Last year at this time I was heading to Colorado to learn how to make film by hand. I did it completely off the reservation and ate vegan for an entire week. I felt that I had had a unique experience by the time I returned home. I believe that is a feeling we all try to achieve every summer. This summer, I didn't do anything to that extent but I did visit Los Angeles and I've made mush progress as a comedian.

I wonder how the scheme of that changes now that I am pretty much done with my education. Will summer now become just another time of the year? How will I find the time to break loose from the daily grind? Perhaps the answer is whenever I want. The real question is will I do it sooner rather than later? My friend Tim has got me itching to work on film projects again because I've appeared in a couple of his this summer. My biggest regret of the summer will be not doing enough film related projects. I bickered with my father about getting a camera for the longest and now I continue to waver. Why can't I just get off my ass and work this out already?

The saddest thing about the end of the summer is seeing five of my friends depart. I'm going to be without my friends Rae, Calvin, Brock, Disco and Julie. If I were a professional basketball organization, I would be losing some key players. Now I have to sift through free agency and find some cut-rate friends to fill their spots because you don't find that kind of talent just anywhere. If any of you read this, know that you were ballin' since the day I met you. Except you, Calvin. I remember not liking you for a bit and here's why. I was talking to someone about baseball in class and you butted into the conversation by saying that baseball was boring. You befouled one of my loves and it took sometime to forgive but I'm glad I did.

"We're not bad people, Mac... just underachievers who have to make up for lost time."